My life.. :/

So i thouhgt of writing in english for once and Im not so good at it but i hope it won't be disturbing or anything :S But okay. My name is antonia im soon 18 and i live in finland. I have a boyfriend whom i love and a fev friends.
My life has had an huge 'changing' under the last year.. If you would look at my life from this exakt day and one year back, I've ben skrewing up alot in the beginnning of tis year. And the worst part is that i care about theese people still that were my life back then. You could almost say that before these years with these special friends of mine there were only stars on the sky guiding me through life. Then the moon came along (witch are all of those in H:ki) and last year I did something (witch im not so proud abaut) to loose one part of that moon and with that moon went the rest of it. So now im sortof blinded and i cannot se those little stars anymor. It has left my heart broken. And now im hurting every fucking day and whenever im alone. Im so fucking hopeless these days... I miss those gyis and I would really REALLY do anything to get them back. But i dont think thats an option anymore... I dont wan't to be hurting but everytime i trye to go there and se them i just get the feeling of crying and get on my knees to beg...

I wouldn't probably be here anymore if it wasnt for my boyfriend hwo has had to hear at all my crying and my 'aching' heart...
And now Im so depended of him that i dont really have no one else to turn to to talk.
Im angry with myself for leting all of this happend and this has been the most unhappy year of my life but allso one of the most joyfull.
And me telling allmost all of my seecrets and really opening up to this one girl hwo was the most inportant thing of my lif from eight grade untill last year and now she is no linger there and she knows my seecrets, thats sort of disturbing. But still i dont really regret telling but I Just want all of those people back into my life. I really Really Miss them... Heh.. Even just writing about it all makes me sort of suicidal and sad..
But ill have to go to school now. But I'll write again.
Byye
Cya